In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
