man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk is not a location!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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