I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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