Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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