Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
