After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
