Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
