Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
