eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
