Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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