New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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