just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
