dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
