My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
