Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
