I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
