If i come over, it means nothing
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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