Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
