Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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