i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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