How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
