Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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