It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
