you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
