ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
