New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
