so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
