Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
