looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
