she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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