the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
