I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
