Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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