In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
