I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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