Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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