theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
