Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
