think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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