I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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