The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
