Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
