I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
