he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
