it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
