life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize