A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize