so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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