Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
