tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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