I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
