Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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