Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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