my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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