So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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