Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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