So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
