You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
