ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
