There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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