I love black thongs
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
