sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
