Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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