i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
