if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
