just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize