...so i touched it.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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