I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
