I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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