I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
